Finding Yourself in Lovesickness: A Philosophical Handbook

EDITORIAL | ABEL GROPIUS

There are moments when love , rather than nourishing and sustaining, becomes a consuming force, robbing us of our breath and identity, transforming tenderness into dependence and closeness into imprisonment. In those moments, the temptation is to lose ourselves, to believe that our dignity can be sacrificed on the altar of a bond that doesn't give back the same light it claims to receive. But lovesickness, if faced with awareness and courage, can become a stern yet generous teacher, capable of teaching the highest of lessons: that true freedom comes from recognizing one's fullness and rejecting every form of emotional slavery.

The first rule, therefore, is to focus on oneself , not as an act of selfishness but as an act of responsibility: being aware of what one thinks, feels, desires, and does means gradually rebuilding the boundaries of one's identity, it means not allowing others to become the exclusive center around which one's existence revolves. Every small gesture of autonomy—cooking for oneself, choosing a book, walking in the sun—is already a victory, because it restores the certainty of existing independently of those around them.

The second rule is not to chain yourself to what destroys : a bond that consumes, that saps strength, that extinguishes your inner light, is not a bond but a prison. Dignity and independence are worth more than any promise, and breaking a toxic bond is not a failure but an act of courage, a gesture of rebirth. True love does not require sacrifices that destroy, but rather gives respite and strength; if this does not happen, then it is necessary to stop and take back control of your life.

The third rule is to transform emotions : anger can become creativity, pride can transform into dignity, envy can turn into admiration, hatred can dissolve into charity. It's not about repressing, but about transfiguring, using the power of emotions as energy that builds rather than destroys. Every pain can become a seed of strength, every wound can transform into an opening, every fall can teach us to get up again with greater awareness.

The fourth rule is to accept solitude as a teacher : it is not an emptiness to be feared, but a sacred space in which to find one's own voice, in which to listen to the silence that does not judge or demand, in which to learn that happiness is not a distant goal but a seed that grows in simple things— a hot coffee, a smile, a vibrant piece of music, a ray of sunshine that illuminates the room . Solitude, if embraced, becomes an ally, because it teaches that one's existence is complete even without another.

Finally, the highest rule: recognize that you are a special being . We are not born to vanish, but to exist in our fullness; we live not to survive, but to shine. Life is a gift that no one has the right to extinguish, and the light each of us carries within is stronger than any shadow. Lovesickness, then, is not a condemnation but a test: an opportunity to learn to protect ourselves, to respect our dignity, to transform fragility into strength and dependence into freedom.

🌱 A Handbook for Heartache

1. Stay centered on yourself.
   Every thought, emotion, and gesture must come from your own consciousness, not from someone else's shadow.

2. Never cancel yourself out.
   Love shouldn't take your breath away: if you feel suffocated, stop and gain some space.

3. Cultivate your independence.
   Every small act of autonomy is a victory: cooking for yourself, walking alone, making choices without asking permission.

4. Don't bind yourself to what destroys you. 
   If a bond consumes you, learn to break it. Your dignity is worth more than any promise.

5. Transform pain into strength
   Anger, melancholy, nostalgia: use them as fuel to create, write, dance, live.

6. Don't chase after those who don't respect you.
   Don't take control of anyone, and don't let anyone take control of you.

7. Accept solitude as your teacher.
   It is not a void, but a sacred space where you find your voice.

8. Keep your light shining
   Don't let strong personalities or manipulations extinguish your flame.

9. Be true to yourself.
   Don't sell yourself, don't imitate, don't try to please everyone. Your authenticity is your beauty.

10. Recognize the value of time
    . Don't waste energy on useless relationships. Every minute is precious: use it to grow, not to wear yourself out.

11. Transform emotions

    • Pride → dignity

    • Anger → creativity

    • Envy → admiration

    • Hate → charity

12. Don't complain, take action.
    Every step, even a small one, is already healing.

13. Respect your history
    Don't forget who you loved, but don't let it invade your whole life.

14. Welcome the sun and the silence.
    Happiness is found in simple things: a ray of light, a vibrating music, a deep breath.

15. Remember: you are a special being.
    You were not born to be annihilated, but to exist in your fullness.